5 Things to Look for in an LGBTQIA+ Affirming Therapist in London

Looking for the right therapist often stirs a mix of hope and anticipation, but also, huge vulnerability. At the heart of any good therapy, something both my experience and wider research agree on, lies one simple truth: healing happens in relationship.

The connection you build with your therapist - the feeling of being safe, seen, and deeply understood - is one of the strongest predictors of real change.

For those of you who identify as LGBTQIA+, the need for genuine trust and validation becomes even more vital. You deserve a therapist who not only affirms your identity, but weaves that understanding into every part of your work together.

A few things to look for:

1.    They go beyond ‘acceptance’

Here’s the thing: being accepting isn’t the same as being affirming. Acceptance can feel passive; it says: ‘I’ll be okay with who you are’. Affirmation, on the other hand, is active and alive. It says: ‘I see you, I celebrate you, and I stand beside you’. I think that difference matters. Neutrality might sound like enough, but in therapy, it could feel like standing in a room with the lights dimmed - you’re there but not fully seen. True affirmation switches the light on. 

Look for a therapist who welcomes all of you into the room with curiosity, respect, and genuine warmth. It is often not what is said that heals, but what is felt and embodied in the space between you.

2.    They respect your pronouns, chosen name, and mirror your language

For me, this one is non-negotiable. The way a therapist addresses you sets the tone for the whole relationship. If they make the highest effort to use your pronouns and chosen name consistently, it shows they’re not just listening but affirming who you are. A name carries meaning. It’s identity, history, self-definition, and belonging all in one word. To be called by the right name is to be recognised; to have it dismissed or forgotten is to feel unseen.

Language shapes safety. It can heal or it can harm. And, not everyone connects with the same words or labels. An affirming therapist will mirror the language you use to describe yourself, your identity, and your relationships, respecting your preferences and treating your name and pronouns with care and attention.

3.    They have experience working with LGBTQIA + clients

Coming out, exploring identity, navigating relationships - these aren’t just ‘topics’, they’re lived realities and personal stories that carry a lot of weight.

In my work, I’ve borne witness to the wounds that emerge in family conversations ending in shaming, dismissal, and rejection. I have explored the intricacies of LGBTQIA+ clients’ own internalised homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and prejudice. I have sat with clients navigating inner conflict and processing the shame of feeling ‘other’ - all while carrying the societal trauma and fear born of discrimination, stigma, and hate-fuelled violence. I have supported clients in rebuilding a sense of safety within themselves, even when the wider world can still feel unsafe.

I have also had the privilege of celebrating moments of profound pride - clients stepping fully into who they are, embracing their queerness, sexuality, or gender openly, and learning to genuinely love themselves.

An affirming therapist will hold space for all of this: the pain, the pride, the contradictions - and will walk beside you as you come home to yourself.

4.    They understand the impact of minority stress and intersectionality

Living in a world where you are part of a marginalised group shapes how you move through life and through therapy. Affirming therapists hold awareness of the psychological distress that comes from living in a homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, and heteronormative world. They understand the layered pressures that come with inhabiting your identity, such as microaggressions, feeling the quiet tension of scanning a room before you hold your partner’s hand, bracing for misgendering each time you meet someone new, or the exhaustion of code-switching between family, work, and queer spaces. They also recognise the quieter pain of bi invisibility - the way bisexual identities can be dismissed, doubted, or erased, even within queer circles. They are fluent in these realities and don’t need them explained from scratch.

At the same time, it’s important you don’t feel your therapist is only focusing on your sexuality or gender when that isn’t what you’ve come to talk about. It can be frustrating if it becomes the centre of every session, especially when that isn’t at the heart of your struggle. They’ll also hold space for intersectionality: recognising how queerness interweaves with race, class, faith, disability, or migration status, because identity never exists in isolation. 

An affirming therapist is curious about the whole picture, not just the rainbow.

5.    They do their own ongoing learning (and unlearning)

Curiosity really matters. A therapist’s genuine interest in what your LGBTQIA+ identity means to you, and how it personally shapes your experiences, relationships, and sense of self, is vital. But the burden should never fall on you to educate them - that is a microaggression. None of us are finished products, and an affirming therapist knows that. They try to remain attuned to how language evolves, communities shift, and new understandings emerge. They take responsibility for their own learning, especially around what sits at the edges of mainstream conversation, and they’re humble enough to acknowledge what they don’t yet know. Just as importantly, they keep unlearning: their own biases, assumptions, and the subtle ways heteronormativity and cisnormativity can creep into the room.

Finding the right therapist isn’t just about feeling accepted - it’s about feeling deeply met. And if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m genuinely excited to meet you.